Just like that, it’s done. Years of wondering what if, and now a decision has been made. I am scared, I won’t lie. And I feel a lot of guilt. I feel I’ve let people down who needed me, but I know that in the end, I cannot serve them well if I’m not true to myself, and thus I’ve made my decision.
At least leaving Japan should be easy. There have been 5 earthquakes in the last 24 hours, and it might as well be 5 million – it’s too many. I’m not miserable, I’m just over it.
I’ve also developed a deep and relentless longing for bread and cheese, despite having ready access to bread and cheese. Is it really, really different from Germany? Somehow, yes. My body knows, my heart knows. Take me back to cheese and the people I love! It’s interesting because those are the things that comfort me, and they are not things that are risky. However, my soul is really torn between longing for comfort, and needing a future that is packed with challenges and excitement. I don’t want to go backwards, but I’ve got to find a balance. Here is what I know for sure: I want to keep learning, always; I have to. But, I don’t want to do it alone. I’m okay with it being difficult, but I should not feel isolated from the world, which I often do here.
I’ve been reading a lot of blogs from folks who travel all the time, and I think that is not what I want to do. I think it’s an interesting life, but a lonely one. At the same time, I love being places where I can’t help but constantly learn things, simply because of the environment and situations I’ve placed myself in. So how to I reconcile this? I have no idea and guess I will have to find out. This is the jumping off point on my journey. I’ve walked to the edge of the cliff and lowered myself over by my fingertips. The only thing left to do is let go, and take the risk.